just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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