I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
