you guys were way drunker than both of me
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
