wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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