He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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