my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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