this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
