I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
