do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
