My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
