oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
