oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I looked at my own cervix.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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