bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
this just has baby written all over it
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
