her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
