I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
