My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
it was like having sex with a tree stump
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
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