I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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