Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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