something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
