I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
