I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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