I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
My balls are so social today.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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