Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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