grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
