I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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