So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize