He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
