i don't like sucking hair
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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