no, he came in my armpit
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
