So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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