Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize