She is in my trunk
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Randomize
