Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
