wanna go halves on a baby?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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