we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
