no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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