Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
