The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
