my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize