Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
