..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize