yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
