coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
