You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
