I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
So much Jack, so little girl.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
