There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
