I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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