I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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