All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
