She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
