Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Randomize
