So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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