The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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