Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
