doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Randomize
