Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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