Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
