The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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