I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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