i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Randomize
