you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
