As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
