I wish I could punch you in the face.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
