The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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