Dual....:-)
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
