I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
