Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
