Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
