Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
