NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
