P.S. I can't hear my feet
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
