I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
