its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
