his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
