hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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