My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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