As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
